


Another Boy Without a Sharper Knife

by PiercetheCas



Series: Yeah Boy And Doll Face [1]
Category: Pierce the Veil
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Chaptered, Depression, Drug Use, Hospitals, M/M, Mental Illness, Minor Original Character(s), Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Perrentes - Freeform, Self Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Victim Blaming, kellic - Freeform, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:11:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 20,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8824141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiercetheCas/pseuds/PiercetheCas
Summary: Vic Fuentes wants an escape from everyday life that is full of pain, abuse and self hatred. He is deteriorating and no one seems to notice. Not until Kellin Quinn anyway.





	1. I am Machine

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fanfic so please be nice and everything :). This will feature triggering topics (look in the tags) so please take caution. This chapter features graphic self harm so be careful everyone and enjoy! Comment your thoughts.  
> Title belongs to Pierce the Veil and chapter title belongs to Three days Grace, thanks.
> 
> -Cas

Numb. All I ever feel is numb. It invades my whole body, seemingly paralyzing me head to toe. I can't even cry anymore, my tears have long since been dried up. My heart forgets how to beat, my lungs don't know how to breathe, I am a walking time bomb. At any point I can snap and obliterate those around me. So I push everyone away, so when I finally explode, I won't hurt anyone.  
Like now, my parents are trying to pull me into conversation, but I know that I need to push them even further away. Even if I felt like talking, I'm not sure I could. My throat feels clogged like an old pipe that hasn't been used for years.  
I can't help but to feel like the worst son ever as i scoot my chair back and hurry up to my room. I finally let out a small breath, my heart pounding, but I still feel numb. I just want, I just need to feel.  
I look around my room, going through piles of black clothes, battered paper back books and crumpled song lyrics before finally finding my box. The box is jet black, made of some type of special wood. My uncle gave it to me for my birthday, years back. He was the only person who ever cared about me besides my brother, Mike. And now, he's dead, and I'm all alone.  
He would surely have another heart attack of he knew what I use the box for.  
Inside, I have five clean razor blades, each carefully pulled from a pencil sharpner, gauze, antiseptic cream as well as a new bottle of OxyCotin, just in case.  
Carefully, I pulled one of the blades out, holding it carefully between two of my fingers. As I looked at it, I noticed my own reflection in the shiny metal. I set it down on my bed, getting up to lock the door and turn up some random rock song.  
For a few minutes, I sat on my bed, staring down at the blade in my hand, willing myself to put it away. But to no avail. I hastily pulled up my sleeve, exposing crisscrossing cuts, some red and jagged, others pink and rough. I gripped my blade in my right hand, pressing it to the skin of my left arm, moving in almost a hypnotic motion, I pulled the blade from left to right, each time adding a fresh cut to my already destroyed arm. After about 10 cuts, I stopped and watched as blood rose to the surface, slowly pooling out of my cuts.  
I slowly let out a breath, my eyelids drooping downwards. The feeling of release was one I could only describe as euphoria i already felt so much better, so much more human than I had just a few minutes ago.  
I gently wrapped my arm in gauze, wincing as the rough material pressed against my painful cuts. I carefully stood, placing my blade back in my box before shoving it back into the hiding spot I made in one of my dresser drawers.  
Suddenly, a loud knock resonated through my room, instantly my heart started to pound in sync with the throbbing of my arm. I quickly turned my music down, and ran over to my door, slowly undoing the lock, a quiet 'clink' making me flinch even though I expected it.  
As soon as I unlocked the door, it was swung open, revealing the impatient face of Mike, my younger brother.  
"What?" I asked, voice quivering. Out of instinct, I pressed my arm against my back, even though he would have no way of seeing my cuts, I still felt anxious about it.  
"Just wanted to let you know I'm going to Jack's party tonight. Wanna come?" His face and impassive tone told me that he was just skin to be polite, he didn't actually want me to go. Why would he? He's super popular, and I'm just his loser older brother. So with that in my mind, I quietly denied his invitation.  
"Prude." Was all he said, well more like muttered, though he sounded releived. After that, he turned around, stomping down the hallway and down the stairs. He was lucky Mom and dad were gone or he would have got in trouble for being too loud.  
As soon as I heard the front door Slam shut, I pulled up my sleeve, grimacing when blood stuck to it, making me yelp as I had to pull the fabric from inside of my cuts. My gauze hadn't helped at all, blood was still dripping down my arm, landing on my blanket and I quickly thanked God it was red.  
My breath came out in short pants because 'holy fuck I'm about to die.'  
My mind was a haze of panic as I stumbled to my closet, grabbing an extra pillowcase and pressing it against my arm, wincing yet again as my arm throbbed wuth new fever. Luckily, the bleeding stopped after a few minutes. My heart still raced though. That was too close.  
I rewrapped a fresh gauze on my arm, breathing slowly returning to normal. I collapsed on my bed, playing with my crimson red comforter between my fingers, gazing at all the band posters on my wall, mind hazy.  
'I'm such a fuck up.' My thoughts turned bad, as they always did when I was alone, so I decided to crawl out my window and sit on the roof like I normally did when things got bad.  
I climbed out carefully, sitting on the dge of the oof, feet hanging over the edge. For once, I felt peaceful. I felt free, like I could almost forget about how fucked up my life was.  
Looking up, I noticed how bright the stars were, each one illuminating a part of the sky. They were marvelous, glowing even though they weren't appreciated, even though they never earned praise.  
I sat and stared for a long time until I heard my phone ringing from my room and I had to crawl in nd get it. Once inside, I hurried over to my phone, seeing that it was Mike. I brought the phone to my ear, feeling dread when it wasn't Mike who answered.  
"Hello?" I asked, voice shaky.  
"Um, hi, is this...Vic?" The person asked, their voice slurred. They were obviously drunk.  
"Yeah, where's Mike?" I asked, worry consuming my brain.  
"He took som'in, dunno what, he's uh, he's passed out man. On the couch, pretty funny of you as'in me." The man rambled, giggling every few words.  
"What? That's not funny! I'm coming to get him. Jack's house right?" My voice was cold, yet frantic, my hands nervously pulling on my sleeves.  
"Y-yeah man." I hung up before whoever it was could say another stupid thing. My breath was shaky as I slid on a pair of black vans, racing down the steps to the kitchen, grabbing my keys off their hook, jogging outside to my black car.  
To Mike's luck, mom and dad wouldn't be home for another hour, so maybe they wouldn't have to find out about it.  
'He's gonna be in so much trouble.' My thoughts raced as I drive, sweaty palms tightly gripping the teeing wheel as a lifeline. I sped all the at there, parking a block away, yet I could still here the music they ere blaring.  
People were scattered all over Jack's lawn in various states of undress, making me avert my eyes as I ran up to the back door, navigating my way through countless people.  
When I saw Mike, I instantly ran over to him, dropping to my knees next to him, thanking every God that he had a pulse.  
"Hey Vicky." A drunk Jack slurred, almost flirtatiously.  
"What the fuck is he on Barakat?" My hands shook and I clasped them together to hide it.  
"I think e, but hey baby, it doesn't matter." Jack's was smiling as he said it, actually fucking smiling.  
"I'm taking him home asshole." I growled, I absolutely hated Jack.  
I gathered Mike in my arms, pushing Jack aside as I headed to the nearest exit, wincing when someone shouted "you're a loser Fuentes".  
We made it out of the party and to me car eventually and after a struggle, I manged to get Mike in safely. We were about halfway home when Mike began to stir, letting out a few confused noises. I pushed a little harder on the gas, not wanting to have this conversation in the car.  
'Oh my god, mom and dad are going to be so pissed. Why the hell did I let him go to a party aline, at Jack's house, Jack! I can't even protect my own brother.' My thoughts raced the whole ride, making my eyes fill with desperate tears that I quickly pushed away.  
When home, I slowly goy out of the car, legs shaking like mad when I notice mom and dad's car in the driveway, and all the lights were on. 'I'm so dead.'  
I quickly went to the other side of the car, helping Mike out who was still trying to get his bearings.  
With each step, my breathing sped up and my heart pounded, scared of what my dad would do to me, to Mike.  
"Victor Vincent Fuentes!" My mom's shrill voice shouted as soon as I entered the house. My dad rook Mike from me and immediately started fussing over him, acting like he actually cared for once. "What were you thinking? Taking Mike to a party! At 11 o'clock! You are erring such a bad example for him. And what happened? Did you tell him to take drugs? You know what, go to your room, I can't even look at you right now."  
Tears quickly filled my eyes and started to spill over as I ran to my room, door slamming shut behind me. My wrist was tingling as I threw my dresser drawer open. And I don't remember what happened next.


	2. Alibis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to leave the cliffhanger, so here we go.  
> -Cas

When I woke up, all I saw was white. I quickly shut my eyes again, but opened them when I heard a familiar noise, my mom's voice.  
I looked next to me, and saw my parents and mike sitting in hard white chairs.  
'I'm in the hospital.' All I felt was confusion as I looked around, an iv stretched from my hand to a machine that displayed my vital signs. My body was covered partially with a plain white sheet.  
"Wha-," I couldn't even finish my question before I was being asked a million things.  
"Oh Victor why? Why did you do it? You know we love you right?" My mom said, her voice eerily calm. It was an act, she could care less about me.  
She held onto my hand, fake nails digging into the skin of my palm. That's when I noticed the slight stinging in my wrists.  
'Oh God- I actually did it.'  
I couldn't speak, I just started sobbing, big tears rolling down my face and landing on my ugly hospital gown, I can't even kill myself right.  
'I'm such a fuck up.'  
"We've decided that it is best for you to stay here for a little while until you get 'better'." My dad saud, voice cold and apathetic. He didn't feel like dealing with me.  
I nodded, scared to disagree, voice still evading me.  
My parents looked at Mike, then each other before leaving the room, leaving Mike and I alone.  
I sniffles quietly before launching myself at mike, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, pressing my face against his shirt.  
"I'm sorry." I mumbled broken over and over again, tears soaking my brother's shirt, though he didn't seem to notice. He wrapped his arms around me, running his hand through my hair gently, treating me like a broken doll.  
"It's okay Vic, shh, it's okay." Mike tried to comfort me, rubbing my back now," i'm sorry I got you in trouble."  
I felt his tears hitting my face and that only made me cry harder, I almost died-what a crazy thought.  
Mike gently pulled himself off me and sat back down on one of the stiff white chairs, wiping the tears off his cheeks though more followed.  
His hand gently brushed over my wrist, running from scar to scar, cut to cut, a frown on his face.  
I tried to hide my arm, but he just pulled it back, wrapping his bony fingers around mine, tears finally stopping. His mouth opened as if he was going to sat something, but it quickly closed, a frown setting on his lips again.  
"V-vic, I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry. I didn't ever stop to think that I was hurting you by acting up. We're brothers, y'know, gotta look out for eachother. Lately, I've been a shitty brother and for that I'm truly sorry." Mike confessed, eyes locked with mine. I felt my heart breaking, he shouldn't blame himself for this, it was all my fault.  
"It's not your fault, Mike, it's not." I whispered, tears dripping down my cheeks.  
He gave me a bitter smile before standing up suddenly and leaving the room.  
My heart dropped, he left me, he doesn't care, no one does.  
My head snapped up when i heard several sets of footsteps come close to my door before stopping outisde. A doctor entered, followed by my parents and lastly, Mike.  
The doctor seemed nice enough, I even saw a few tattoos peeking out of his sleeves.  
"Hi Vic, I'm doctor Sykes. I will be looking after you. So, how are you feeling? Any pain?" He spoke, British accent catching me by surprise.  
"Uh, no, not really." No physical pain at least.  
"Excellent, now I've been talking to your parents and they think it will be best for you to remain in our care for the next five days and receive some emergency psychological treatment, sound alright?" He had a pitying look on his face and it honestly pissed me off.  
"Do I have a choice?" I sked bitterly, to the shock of Dr. Sykes and my parents.  
"You can talk to your parents Victor, but you attempted suicide, you need help." This doctor was pissing me off and he knew it.  
"No, I don't. I asn't trying to kill myself, I was just an idiot okay? It was a one time deal, I'm over it now." I muttered, lying out my ass.  
"This is up to your parents, but I still think you need some treatment." Dr. Sykes argued, a Stern look morphing onto his face, "I'll leave you to talk.  
"Uh-Mike? Can you go get vic a drink?" My dad asked, causing Mike to hurry away, probably glad to be out of the tense atmosphere.  
"Vic are you sure it was a mistake?" My mom asked, indifferent.  
"Yes, mom. I don't want to die." It was partially true.  
My mom sighed, I won her over. "Okay."  
Let's just say that Dr. Sykes was pissed, but I didn't like him anyways.  
The ride home from the hospital was tense and when we finally got home, I quickly darted to my room.  
I was shocked when I got there. It looked like a tornado had went through my room. My clothes were scattered on the floor from my dresser. My covers were torn off my bed and my matters was slightly crooked.  
I ran over to my hiding spot and I almost cried when I realised it was gone, my fucking box was gone.  
I collapsed to the floor, shaking head to toe. I jumped when I felt a pair of lanky tattooed arms wrap around my shoulders.  
I cried into Mike's shoulder for at least half an hour before I ran out of tears and found my voice.  
"W-where is it?" I shakily asked, fingers clenched in Mike's t-shirt.  
"Gone." Mike whispered and I lost it again. I was hysterical, gasping and choking cries escaping my body. My soul felt like it was being ripped apart. My lifeline was just fucking ripped from me.  
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here, I'll help you." Mike whispered, rocking us back and forth.  
"I-i n-need it M-mike!" I wailed, not thinking right.  
Mike held me until I finally managed to calm down a little while later.  
He lifted me up and placed me on my mattress after he fixed it and covered me with my comforter. I was out before I heard him whisper 'goodnight'.


	3. Smile (I'm Not Okay)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thanks for reading this far. Hopefully these will get longer soon.  
> Chapter title belongs to Sounds Like Harmony   
> -Cas

When I woke up, my room was clean, no evidence of the past week's events available.  
I slowly got up, walking over to my dresser for a change of clothes, black skinny jeans and a black hoodie. After changing, I rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie and changed my gauze, a sick feeling overcoming me as I stared down at the jagged stitch-covered cuts that would surely scar. I quickly pulled my sleeves back down, not wanting to look at my disgusting body.  
Eventually, I made my way downstairs, pleased to find no one home.   
I walked to the kitchen, looking in the pantry for something with few calories.  
I found a packet of instant oatmeal that was healthy so I decided I would just make that. When it was ready, I took it with me to the dining room.  
Our dining room was a cream white color, with a small rectangular table in the center, surrounded by four chairs, each one different.  
I sat in my normal seat by the window, slowly eating the oatmeal even though I just wanted to throw it away.  
'You're fat enough.'  
Once I was done, I felt guilty. Which wasn't a new feeling. Lately, everytime I ate, I had been feeling bad about it, I felt dirty and gross.  
So I did the first thing I thought of, I ran to the downstairs bathroom, fell to my knees and threw up into our toilet, tears sliding down my cheeks from the force.  
I forced myself to throw up every bit of the revolting oatmeal I had made myself eat only moments ago.  
Slowly, I rose, glancing at my reflection in the mirror.  
My brown hair was greasy, sticking to my forehead. My eyes looked hollow, dark circles surrounding them and my lips were pale and cracked.  
I snarled at myself in the mirror, ashamed of my own reflection before I looked away in order to lather my toothbrush in toothpaste.  
I brushed my teeth for longer than normal, feeling happy when I spit because instead of white, I spit pink, blood.   
My satisfaction quickly turned to dissapointment because I realized that I was hurting myself in a new way, when I really needed to stop.  
I let put a sigh, putting my toothbrush away. I walked out of the bathroom, heart stopping when I heard voices coming from the living room. Mike was home nd he had brought his friends, Tony and Jaime.   
In order to get to my room I had to walk through the living room to the staircase, I just prayed they didn't bother me.  
Yeah right.  
As soon as I stepped into the living room, all their heads snapped towards me, each shooting me a glare.  
My lip curled up in disgust as I noticed they each had a joint in their hand.  
"Hey loser." Mike yelled, pupils wide.  
I cringed at the insult, my gaze dropping to the ground as I tried to rush for the steps.  
I was almost to them when a foot reached out and tripped me. I tumbled ungracefully to the floor, my hip taking most of the impact.  
I heard them laughing and hot tears rushed to fill my eyes, why can't anyone like me, even my own brother hates me.  
I slowly got up, not giving them the satisfaction of reacting before I shot up the stairs, a new bruise forming on my side.  
Instead of going to my room, I went to Mike's, knowing he wouldn't come upstairs for a while. I saw my box on his nightstand and went over to it, unlocking it with the mall key he hadn't been able to find. I snatched two of the blades before locking the box again. Mike would never know, not like he'd care anyway.  
Once I got back to my room, I hid one of the blades in my phone case and the other I used to add 12 new cuts to my stupid fat stomach.  
'Ugly.'  
'Worthless.'  
'Fag.'  
'Stupid.'  
'Failure.'  
'Dissapointment.'  
'Fat.'  
'Pathetic.'  
'Unlovable.'  
'Good-for-nothing.'  
'Weak.'  
'Loser.'  
The words kept cycling through my brain, each one more venous than the last. I was sobbing as I wrapped my new cuts, ugly teats falling down my cheeks. I placed my blade in between my mattress and bedframe, securing it with a piece of tape.  
Just in time too. My mom knocked on my door, saying that it was time for dinner. Not that I had to eat, I was fat enough.  
My mind started to race as soon as I left my room. I was worried that they old realize that I had cut again, I was worried Mike would be mean and most of all I was worried that my dad would be angry about something.  
I sat down in my chair, wincing a bit at the new pressure on my fresh cuts and I was glad to see that Mike seemed normal again.  
We ate in silence, the kind of silence that was painfully awkward yet no one wanted to shatter it.  
I only ate a small amount of food before I claimed to be full and left for my room, glad to be away from my dad, even though he didn't seem mad tonight.  
"Hey." I wasn't surprised that Mike had followed me up. He sat down next to me on my bed, sighing.  
"I'm sorry that I was an ass earlier. It's just they expect me to hate you, and-no that is not a valid reason. I am truly sorry and I hope you can forgive me?" Mike rambled, almost like he was arguing with himself.  
"I-i forgive you." I lied, still feeling quite hurt. But Mike believed it.  
I winced as my finger tips touched my new cuts, and Mike noticed.  
"Did you-?" He nodded towards my arm frowning.  
I didn't reply, but he took my silence as an admission of guilt and quickly gathered me in his arms, whispering frantic apologies.  
"Where?" He asked, voice shaky.  
"Stomach." My voice cracked, fear taking over.  
He gently rolled up my sweatshirt and gasped when he saw the cuts nd scars that littered my sromach.  
"Oh Vic." Mike sighed, a sad look on his face.  
I smiled sadly at him, tears threatening to spill over. He pulled my hoodie back into place before pulling me back into a hug, his large hands running over my back comfortingly.  
"I love you Vic. You've got to stop, please." He pleaded, face buried in my hoodie.  
"I'll try for you if you try for me." I whispered, referring to his drug use.  
"I promise." He responded, and in that moment, I believed both of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment your thoughts   
> I promise we will get some happiness soon.  
> -Cas


	4. Bully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Three Days Grace. This is super short, but the story needed a bit of fluff. Hopefully I'll get another one up tonight, if not definitely tommorrow.  
> -Cas

I woke up at 6 a.m. the next morning. It was monday, Monday meant school.

I chose my outfit, red skinny jeans and the same black hoodie as usual. Once I was ready, I slung my backpack over my shoulder, abandoning the thought of breakfast. I went downstairs to meet Mike who was behind as usual.

He was rushing around the kitchen in boxers, bright pink boxers.

"where are my pants?" He asked, hands on his hips. I laughed a bit, he looked so stupid.

"Did you look in the laundry basket?" I asked, grabbing a mug of coffee, decaf.

He shook his head before running to check. I heard him sigh and shortly after he came back fully dressed minus shoes which he slid on while supporting himself on the counter next to me.

"Let's go giraffe." I said, causing him to laugh. It felt like before, when we used to be close.

It felt nice to be able to just smile and laugh instead of always being so tense. We both got in my car, Mike automatically turning the radio to rap. I shook my head, pretending to glare at him but he just turned it up louder, flipping me off.

We both laughed after that, just enjoying the moment, which was very unusual for us.

Once we had made it to school, Mike hopped out and ran over to his friends while I just walked to homeroom, art.

I actually enjoyed art, I liked being able to put my emotions onto paper without being judged.

"Hey fag! Suck any dicks recently?" Tod, my bully, yelled, laughing at his own "joke".

I just sunk down into my sear, begging the teacher, Mr.Stein to arrive, but no luck.

"Hey, answer me you little bastard." Tod growled, standing right in front of me, hands pushing down on my desk menacingly.

When I still didn't respond, he slammed the palms of his hands down on my desk before slapping me so hard I saw black.

Tears filled my eyes, but I pushed them away, trying to ignore the laughter filling the room.

The rest of the day went by slowly, everybody just making snide remarks towards me as always.

By the time to meet Mike at my car, I was struggling to hold back my tears.

"Hey Vic." He greeted as he slid into the passenger seat.

"Hey." My voice wavered too much for my own liking and of course, Mike noticed.

"Hey what happened? Is that a bruise? Who-I'm gonna fucking kill them!" Mike growled after seeing my cheek which surely had a hand shaped bruise on it.

"No, they're not worth it Mike." I said, practically in a whisper, silently begging my brother to just stay out of it.

Mike didn't reply, rather he nodded, lips set in a firm line.

"Are you okay?" Mike asked, looking at me with concern this time instead of anger.

I nodded, putting on a brave face. I'm the older brother after all, I need to be strong for Mike.

We rode home in silence, Mike didn't even turn the radio on.

Mom and dad weren't home when I pulled into the driveway, which I was thankful for. I didn't feel like answering a bunch of questions and I didn't feel like getting a beating from dad. 

I rushed up to my room and turned up some music, letting the sound of an electric guitar carry me away.

I could hear Mike loudly stomping to his room across from mine, he was still pissed about earlier.

For some reason, I started crying. Not sobbind, just tears falling down my face silently. 

For the first time in a while I sat and just let myself feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm going to see PTV in Richmond on Wednesday and I'm so excited, gonna be cold though, is anyone else going?  
> Comment your thoughts!  
> -Cas


	5. The sky Under the sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to PTV.  
> The concert was so amazing. Just the vibe there was so unique. And it was cool that it was on Mike's birthday so we all sung happy birthday. It was just so great and we'll worth it. The band that played before was audiostrobelight, based out of va, they were good too, you should check them out.   
> So that's why I haven't posted in a few days, I've been too busy with fangirling over the concert.   
> Also, this fic has a lot of heavy content and I just wanted to say that Vic's character and thoughts reflect mine from now and the past. I'm okay though, I'm getting help and everything, and if you need to talk, I'm here. You can even email me at piercethecaspian@gmail.com if you want. Stay safe.   
> -Cas

I sat in the pricipal's office, tears pouring down my face as the principal called my dad.

Earlier, during school, there had been a random drug test and apparently I had a small baggie with some pills in it and the dogs had sniffed it out. I had been pulled out of class and taken to the office I sat in now.

'I'm so dead.' My brain repeated over and over. Dad was going to kill me.

The principal hung up the phone and looked at me, sighing before repeating for the hundredth ime, "I hope you realize how bad of a choice you made."

Oh I did. I definitely did. I was shaking head to toe, sweat forming on my brow. My hands clutched at the arms of the chair I sat in, trying to ground myself. 

When I heard the door to the office open, my heart dropped and bile rose in my throat. My dad pierced me with a cold glare before marching over to me, grabbing my forearm and hauling me to the car, my legs shaking like jelly.

He harshly shoved me into the front seat and I wanted to cry when I saw that he had Mike too. He was going to get in trouble for something he didn't even do.

The drove home was tense, no one even daring to breath loudly. When I saw our house come into view, the tears started to fall, soaking into the collar of my t-shirt.

My dad didn't care though, rather he yanked me out of the car leaving Mike to follow behind us to the kitchen.

My dad shoved me into the table, causing me to get winded, leaning on the table for support.

I cringed when I heard the sound of his belt sliding out of the loops. The first hit made me yelp, the leather biting into the curve of my thighs. 

The hits kept coming down, I couldn't breathe, all that o could do was cry and try to get away, but he just pressed a hand down on my back, making me whimper.

It seemed to go on forever, the harsh blows landing everywhere. After a while, they stopped and I could hear were my loud cries and my dad's heavy breathing.

I flinched when arms wrapped around me, but I stilled when I saw the familiar tattoos. 

Mike helped me up to my room, laying me on my bed.

"You idiot, why the hell did you have those?" Mike asked, his voice a mixture of concern and anger.

"I want to die." I whispered, causing him to gasp and wrap his arms tight around me.

"No, Vic. I love you, okay? We're in this together, remember? When we were little you said we'd always protect eachother." Mike cried, and it broke my heart to atch my own brother fall apart.

"I-i remember." I stittered, shaking.

"I love you so much Vic." Mike whispered, and I replied the same, tears falling down my cheeks. Pain washing over me.

"I'll never leave you Mike."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!   
> I want to go back to the concert so bad! It doesn't even feel real, like i actually saw them. Make sure to check out audiostrobelight, it's worth it.  
> -Cas


	6. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading, your comments mean so much to me. This is short for a reason, it's just setting up for the next chapter, which will be more fluffy than the rest. I promise this will get happier, but it will get worse before it gets better so be safe while reading.   
> I know you probably want kellic now but I don't want this to be the story where he falls in love and suddenly has no issues. I want this to be realistic. We'll yet Kellin probably around chapter 12, maybe later, but it won't be too long.  
> I think the climax will happen about chapter 15, maybe a little later. I hope to post chapters 7-10 this weekend, so stay tuned.  
> Also, I'm terrible at editing so if you see something, feel free to tell me, it won't offend me.  
> -Cas

The next day, I woke up at six, alarm blaring. I rolled over onto my back, cringing as white hot pain radiated through my body.

Tears filled my eyes as I struggled to stand, legs shaking from pain.

When I stood, my knees collapsed, sending me to the floor, crying out.

I knew there was no way in hell I could go to school, and dad probably knew it too.

I flinched when my door swung open, revealing my mom. She rushed over to me, making me stand even though it made my throat constrict from pain.

She wrapped her frail arms around my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm sorry hijo." She whispered, rubbing my back as if it would help.  
I   
I could only nod, not trusting my voice. She whispered "I love you hijo" before exiting, again leaving me alone with my pain.

I felt conflicted, for a minute I felt like my mother actually cared, but what living mother lets her sons be beaten to the point of having to miss school?

My breath came out shakily, alerting me that I was having another panic attack. My hands shook violentlt, making me feel out of control.

I needed to focus my thoughts, so I did the first thing I thought of.

I ripped my fingernails down my arm after yanking up my sleeve, ripping up scabs of old cuts and creating new marks on my destroyed skin.

The pain helped me calm down and I stopped once my body felt normal again, my chemicals balanced.

For the rest of the day, I layer in bed, ear buds in my ears, rock music blaring. I managed to make it through the day without anymore instances and by the time Mike got home, I felt better mentally and physically.

When I heard Mike walk in, I carefully stood up, wincing at the slight pain I felt. I limped downstairs, saddened to see that Mike had a small bruise on his cheekbone, probably from dad hitting him, he had probably tried to fight back even hough it was useless, dad did what he wants, not caring who he hurt.

"Hey Mike." I said, scaring him a bit. He turned towards me, blank expression on his face.

"Hi." He whispered and it hurt because I knew that ad had tampered his spirit, made him feel lesser.

Because of me.

"Look Mike- I'm so sorry-" I started, feeling guilt consume me.

"No Vic. It's over, okay. I've gotten you in trouble before, and you forgave me." Mike pointed out and it was true. He had done things from being caught with weed to running away and I always got blamed.

I nodded, looking down at my hands, not noticing that Mike had walked away.

I didn't realize he was gone until I heard a 'thump' coming from upstairs, Mike's room.

I ran upstairs, and what I saw made me gasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! It's not what you think, i promise.Also feel free to send me prompts for one shots or a chaptered fic. You can end me a word, song, ship, theme, anything and I will try my best. Outside of bands, I will write phan and other youtube ships, but I'm open to trying anything.  
> Comment your thoughts!  
> -Cas


	7. A Love Like War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to ATL.  
> I didn't want to leave a cliffhanger so have some fluff.  
> I will also intoduce Kellin in the next chapter, but him and Vic aren't going to talk for a few more chapters.  
> -Cas

Mike had Tony pressed against his wall, their lips locked together, Tony's hands somewhere I did not want to think about.

I was frozen, watching them make out, only breaking out of my stupor when they noticed my prescence.

"Uh- hi Vic." Mike mumbled, hugging Tony who was blushing.

"What, when?" I asked, smile forming on my lips.

"About two months ago." Mike said, also smiling.

"That's awesome." I replied, excitement filling my tone, making the both of them relax.

Mike then gave me a look that told me I should leave, so I dad, making a face when I heard noises start coming from his room as soon as I left.

I walked back to my own room, picking up my old acoustic guitar that I hadn't touched in a while. I started strumming a few chords, getting back into the motions.

I started to him along to the sound, feeling a sense of peace wash over me as my fingers ran long the frets, like a small dance.

I played for a few more minutes before I decided to ake a shower and get ready for bed.

I walked to the bathroom, and like always, I stood in front of the mirror picking apart my body.

Too fat.

Eyes too far apart.

Arms too thin.

Hair too girly.

It went on and on until I felt weak and decided to take a bath instead, sitting in the water until it got cold, thoughts running through my head at a rapid pace, giving me a headache.

Slwoly, I got out of the bath, taking time to look at the bruises on my legs and back cringing at how dark they were.

I slipped on a pair of boxers, followed by some sweatpants and my hoodie before leaving the bathroom, feeling relieved when I could no longer see myself in the mirror.

I slipped under my blanket, wrapping myself in the warmth and I tried to block the bad thoughts and focus purely on the good.

Like Mike and Tony. I had never cared for Tony, he was always a jerk to me but he seemed to care about Mike and Mike needed that, needed someone to care for him when he was sad, when he was lonely, someone other than me.

It also cared me because what if now, Mike didn't want to talk to me anymore, what if he let tony convince him to hate me.

But inside I knew that Mike and I would always have eachother's back no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Comment your thoughts.  
> Also, while I was at the concert in line, the guitarist and back up singer for The Second After talked to myfriend and i and gave us cds, so check them out, they're really good. They're from North Carolina, and have show 2/1 of you're local.  
> Comment your thoughts!  
> -Cas


	8. Don't Lean on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to The Amity Affliction. Get ready for some Kellin Quinn.  
> -Cas

The next day at school was exciting. We were getting a new kid which rarely happens, apparently his name was Kellin, but I had yet to see him. 

Until Biology anyways.

When I walked in the room, there, at my normal lab table that was usually just me, was a new kid, so I guessed it was Kellin and I was right. When I sat down, he quietly introduced himself as kellin quinn from Michigan.

"I'm Vic from, well, here. San Diego." I replied, cringing at how stupid it must have sounded. But all I received was a laugh, no harsh words, no mocking, just a soft laugh, so I instantly relaxed. I decided I liked this Kellin quinn.

All of biology I kept sneaking glances at him, noting the way his hair curled slightly at the bottom, his black strands falling into his face, which he kept angrily pushing back. I noticed how his eyes were such a mysterious grey-blue.

I also noticed the band bracelet he wore, which made me smile because maybe he was more than cool, this kid seemed amazing. Too amazing.

I sighed when bio ended, leaving the room, sad to see Kellin walk the other way.

"Hey fag!" Great, Tod.

I didn't respond, rather I kept walking, head tilted downwards making me look weak, pitiful.

"I was talking to you princess." Tod sneered, reaching out and snatching my wrist, sending my books tumbling to the floor and a flash of pain to shoot across my features. His fingers dug into my new cuts, though he had no lie what was under my sleeve, and I wanted to keep it that way.

Tod leaned in so that his mouth was next to my ear and I could feel his hot breath brushing against me, making me shiver in disgust.

"You should kill yourself tonight, you worthless fag. No one loves you." With that, Tod shoved me backwards and in shock, I tumbled to the ground beside my books, desperate tears filling my eyes as Tod walked away and I began collecting my things.

I was shocked when someone leaned down in front of me, pale hands collecting a few papers that had spilled out of my binders. When I looked up I was in awe. 

Kellin, the boy from biology, was kneeling down, nose crunched in concentration as his thin fingers picked up paper after paper.

When we were done, we stood up, ignoring the stares we were getting.

"Thank you." I said, voice a bit shaky, after Kellin handed me the papers.

"No problem Vic." Kellin eplied before walking away.

He actually remembered my name. I hadn't had friend for so many years I didn't know where to begin.

I felt important and I liked it.

A hand landed on my shoulder, making me gasp and spin around, letting out a sigh when I saw it was just Mike.

"Come on big brother I'm hungry." Mike whined, heading towards the door.

Once we got in my cat Mike started talking, " Are you guys gonna date? Cause that would be cool. We could go on double dates."

"I just met him Mike." And besides, who would want to date a loser like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Comment your thoughts. I think this fic will be about 40ish chapters, don't hold me to that though. I'm trying to get my chapters longer, but I just find such good stopping points so I'm sorry they are so short.  
> -Cas


	9. With Ears to see and Eyes to Hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Sleeping With Sirens.   
> Thank you to those of you reading this and my other stories, it means so much.  
> -Cas  
> ♡

A week passed by and I had still only had a few short conversations with kellin, all during biology, and all pertaining to school.

Everytime I saw him in the hallway, I longed to walk with him. For the first time in a while I wanted to talk to someone, I wanted to feel happiness.

Kellin does something to my brain, when I talk to him, I feel capable of smiling, I feel able to laugh without feeling like the world's biggest hypocrite. I feel free.

But then I go home and my situation crashes down. I realize my life is hell which leads to me getting depressed which leads to cutting and starving. But then I see Kellin and I forget. I forget that I'm trying to eat less than 500 calories a day. I forget about the cuts wrapped in guaze under my sleeve. I forget all the scars on my back and thighs from my own father.

I forget, and I wanted to do that for so long. Just dissappear for a bit, pretend I'm someone else.

Even when I'm talking to Mike, I can't really escape, because a lot of our conversations revolve around dad and how I am and how Mike is. 

So that's how I ended up walking with Kellin in the hallway on our way to biology, trying to capture his attention.

"Kellin? Kellin?" I had asked, poking his shoulder, but he angrily shoved me away before storming into class, not answering when I asked him what he wanted to do for our lab.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, put off by his sour attitude, which I had never seen before.

"None of your fucking business Fuentes." He practically growled, glaring at me before shoving his ear buds in tuning me and the world out.

My throat clenched, and I knew I was going to cry, but why?

I got picked on everyday yet this kid, this normally nice kid, says one mean thing and I freaked out.

Raising my hand, I asked to use the restroom and was thankful the teacher said yes.

I hurried to the bathroom, and once I got there, I splashed some cold water on my face, holding my tears at bay, not wanting to be the loser who cries in the bathroom. 

I sighed quietly before ripping off a paper towel and wiping off my face, avoiding looking at my reflection.

I knew what I would find. Hollow eyes with deep set bags under them, knotted hair that I was too upset to deal with and sunken in cheekbones from malnurishment.

My hand shook as I wadded up the stiff brown paper towel before tossing it into the trashcan, mentally preparing myself to deal with Kellin and his attitude again. Though, I had a feeling something bad had happened and I really wanted to help him, after all he helped me just by being alive.

So with that in mind, I walked back to class, confidently sitting down beside Kellin who just shrugged at me before turning up his music.

Class went by awkwardly, and my plan to get Kellin to confess whatever it was he was hiding was deserted since he wouldn't look at me let alone tell me what was bothering him.

When the bell rang signaling the end of class, Kellin rushed out of the room, leaving behind a small journal that I grabbed without a second thought, racing after him.

"Kellin!" I shouted after him, trying to get his attention, but his music was too loud and my voice too low, so he never heard me.

I followed everyone else outside, rushing over to my car, frowning when I saw Mike already leaning against it, a yellow slip in his hands.

When he looked up at me, tears falling down his cheeks, I realized.

That yellow slip was a referral.

Mike was so dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm bored so I just keep writing ♡. I know the chapters are short, but I struggle with making long chapters. I will have a new chapter up soon! And of you haven't realized, I'm writing this in a journal/diary style, so that's why I use mostly past tense with a bit of present tense, hopefully that makes sense.  
> -Cas


	10. Happy Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Bring me the horizon. Thank you all for reading and commenting.   
> -Cas

I had my hands over my ears, trying to block out the sounds of Mike being beaten. 

When we had gotten home, my dad had been beyond pissed, dragging me up to my room and locking me in before laying into Mike in his room- which was across from mine.

Tears filled my eyes and I felt so pathetic because I had been unable to protect Mike, my little brother.

Mike's cries filled the air, followed by the sound of leather hitting flesh and I flinched. Each time I heard the belt snap down, my whole body shuddered and I wished I wasn't stuck in my room so that I could help Mike.

I don't know how long I sat there before I heard my lock unclick and my dad's heavy footsteps heading downstairs.

Instantly, I stood up, rushing over to Mike's room, gathering him in my arms.

Mike clutched onto my shirt, tears splashing against my neck and in that moment I knew that I had to get better for Mike.

Mike deserved better, he deserved all the love he could get.

I held Mike for the rest of the night, allowing him to fall asleep, head on my shoulder.

I sat wuth him in his bed as he slept, listening to his breathing and thinking about how I would feel if he stopped- if he never let out a breath again, if his heart never beat. I would be devestated, and then I understood.

I understood how much pain I had put Mike through. I understood how hard this was for him.

And for once in my life, I fell asleep feeling at peace.

I would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Comment your thoughts.  
> -Cas


	11. Pity Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Melanie Martinez.   
> I just want to clarify that Vic isn't magically going to be okay, in the last chapter, he just realized that he needs to protect Mike and support him and he can't do that in the state he's in. He's just going to devote himself to recovery now.  
> And this is super short but it is setting up for next chapter which will be one of the longer ones. I want to start making every chapter 2,000+ words.   
> -Cas

The next morning, I woke up early. It was only five a.m., so it was still dark and a bit chilly outside.

I took my time getting ready, throwing on a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and my normal black hoodie.

I tried to think of different excuses I could use to stay home but I knew that lying would get me in trouble for sure.

Sighing, I sat back onto my bed. I still had over forty minutes until I needed to leave, which was rare for me so I had no clue what to do.

I rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie, absentmindedly running my finger over the marks on my arms, frowning at how truly destroyed my skin was. I had cuts layered on top of cuts and scars stacked on top of other scars, turning my arm into a messed up road map.

Hastily, I pulled down my sleeves, trying not to get worked up right before school, I had enough to worry about.

I was nervous to see Kellin after what happened Friday. I was scared that Mike or myself would get in trouble with my dad since he was probably still worked up over last night. I was sick and tired of living in fear.

Then, the idea hit me. I grabbed my battered notebook where I write song lyrics and ripped out a blank sheet.

I grabbed a black pen, feeling glad when it worked. I wrote quickly, smiling when I finished.

I was going to run away, and Mike had to come with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Comment your thoughts!  
> Also, I've been doing this on my phone, so that makes it a bit harder to do longer chapters since it takes so long.  
> -Cas


	12. Tangled in the Great Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to PTV ft Jason butler.  
> This chapter will be longer so enjoy!  
> -Cas

When I told my idea to Mike on the car ride, he was pissed. Pissed because I was leaving him alone with dad, pissed because I was selfish, but when I told him I wanted him to come with me. That we would both run away to some random city far away from this hellhole, he got furious.

He screamed about how dad would find us and kill us and he couldn't do that to mom and that I was a 'fucking selfish idiot'.

Defeated, I walked into school, flinching at the harsh glares I received from everyone.

By the time biology came around, I was on the verge of tears. Today was going nothing like I had expected it to. I had thought Mike and I would be in by now, but no.

"Hey Vic." I was shocked when Kellin actually greeted me, and he must have seen it to because he let out a small smile.

"Hi, Kellin." I responded, sitting down next to him, setting my books on my desk.

"I'm sorry about Friday, I was just upset." Kellin admitted, looking me in the eye.

"It's o-okay." I stuttered, feeling nervous to be around him at the moment.

My thoughts were racing:

'Mike hates me'

'Kellin is just being nice out of pity'

'You're going to be stuck forever'

'Idiot'.

"Vic? Vic!." I heard someone shout before my world went black.

\---------------------------------------

When I woke up, I instantly wanted to close my eyes. Mike was sitting in a chair, Tony on his lap and they were making out, why did I always find them like this?

I didn't have the energy to speak up, so I just laid there, waiting for them to notice that I was awake.

"Vic!" Mike shouted, when he pulled his face away from Tony's and aw that I was wide awake.

I did not feel like talking at all so I remained silent even when Mike started rambling, Tony still on his lap, hiding his face in Mike's shoulder.

"Some kid- Kellin? Yeah Kellin brought you here. He was cute." Mike said, smiling at the last part.

I nodded, sitting up, cracking my stiff joints.

"What time is it?" I askes, voice cracking. I played with the hem of my sleevs nodding when Mike told me it was two thirty, ten minutes until last bell.

I must have zoned out for a while because before I knew it, the bell rung and Mike and Tony stood, still holding hands and Tony still tried to hide.

"Come on Tone." I heard Mike whisper and I felt jealous because I wanted that. I wanted someone to hold, someone I could tell my deepest darkest secrets to.

We all walked to my car and I was surprised when Mike told me that dad had said that Tony could come over.

"Really?" I asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I didn't believe it either." Mike answered, sitting in the backseat with Tony.

I nodded, focusing my attention in the road, still thinking about earlier. Kellin had brought me to the nurse's office, he actually cared a bit, maybe a friendship was possible. 

I still felt exhausted, like I did after every panic attack, so I was glad to get home where I was able to go to my room and relax for a minute.

That idea vanished as soon as Mike and Tony followed me, announcing that they had invited Jaime over, so I knew that any idea of resting was out of mind.

I shut my door after they left, ready to relish in the few minutes of silence I had left.

I opened up my journal, scribbling down random song lyrics, before the piece of paper I had written on just that morning fell out. I picked it up, examining it's contents.

I still thought that running away was a good idea but when I thought about it, it was nearly impossible.

What about Tony? What about Kellin? What about mom? Where would we get money? What if Mike wouldn't go? What if dad caught us?

It was just too risky. In anger, I ripped up the paper, feeling satisfied as the reds fell to the grouns, landing on my black carpet.

I leaned back in my chair, feeling a lump rising in my throat. 

I tried so hard, I've been trying since the incident a few eeeks back. I had promised Mike, more than once, but I couldn't do it, I needed release.

Frustration coursed through my veins as i raked my fingernails down the now exposed skin of my forearm, nails dragging up scabs, causing blood to trickle in random spots.

I almost fell off my chair when I heard loud footsteps walking upstairs, that quickly I had forgotten that jaime was coming over.

I rolled my sleeve down, a few blood stains seeping through, but I didn't care at that moment.

I stood, opening my bedroom door, frowning when I saw smoke running through the hallway, coming from the crack under Mike's door.

I sighed, but I couldn't be mad, if I couldn't keep my oeomise, what right did I have it get pissed at him because he didn't keep his?

I decided to go to the bathroom before dealing with Mike and I was shocked at what I saw.

On the counter there was baggies of pills, all different colors, shapes and sizes. I was scared to touch the baggies, not wanting to get my fingerprints on them because Lord knows where they came from.

My nerves were strung out, and I felt like crying. I didn't want my little brother wrapped up in this sort of lifestyle. He deserved so much better, even if he didn't realize it, I needed to get him out, but first, I had to deal with the question at hand: what are these pills doing in the bathroom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Should I make every chapter this length?  
> -Cas


	13. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Emarosa.   
> I know you guys probably want romance, but I know that it I start with kellic now, it will seem unatural and it will leave a lot of loose ends, so now I want to focus on Mike and Vic's home life and Kellin and Tony will become more and more involved as well as Jaime ( a little later than the other two).   
> -Cas

I took a few deep breaths before walking towards Mike's room. I slowly knocked, nervous to confront them but it had to be done.

I flinched and stepped back when the door swung open, revealing a disheveled looking Jaime, who had a joint hanging between his lips.

"What do you want?" Jaime asked, swaying a bit. I pushed past him, ciughing at the smoke that filled my lungs.

"Mike!" I shouted when I saw him about to snort a line of what seemed like cocaine.

He flinched, looking at at me, fear written across his features.

"Why the hell are there baggies full of fucking pills in the bathroom? You know dad would kill you if he saw, right?" I yelled, concern for Mike turning into anger because how dare he risk his life like this?

"T-they're not mine. I swear Vic." Mike stammered, putting the cocaine one back into a baggie and tossing it to Tony who caught it sheepishly.

"You are fucking killing yourself over a few minutes of euphoria Mike! It's not worth it! And you two," I said, pointing to Jaime and Tony, "need to leave my brother alone until you all get your shit together. Now out!" 

Jaime and Tony shuffled past me, shooting Mike dirty looks, but he didn't notice because he was too busy shooting me a glare of his own.

"Vic, why the hell did you do that? We were just having fun!" Mike shouted, stepping closet to me.

"You're killing yourself Mike! I can't stand by and watch you do this." I argued, feeling so much anger and concern all in one.

"I could say the same Vic." Mike growled, pointing to my arms. That hurt.

I shrunk into myself a bit, feeling teats stinging my eyes, I needed to regain control.

"I want them gone Mike. By tommorrow." I said, referring to the pills before I left the room, whole body shaking.

With a shaky sigh, I sat at my desk, chair creaking under me.

I pulled out my journal and wrote.

I wrote about Mike, the pills, Tony, I even wrote about Kellin.

I stopped writing once my wrist became sore and my head was aching from bringing up bad thoughts. Journaling was supposed to make me feel better but it only got me worked up.

I shoved my journal away, slamming my pen down on my desk. I rested my head in my hands, only lifting it up when I heard a heavy knock on my door, it sounded too heavy to be my mom or Mike so I knew that it had to be my dad.

My mind started to race, convincing me that I had done something horrible and he was coming to punish me for it.

I opened the door slowly, whimpering when I saw my dad had his fist wrapped around his black leather belt.

I backed up slowly, not stopping until the backs of my thighs hit my bed frame.

My whole body shook and my throat closed, I felt like I was suffocating, choking on the air that was supposed to grant me life.

My dad didn't even say anything before he hit me across the face with his belt which was a first.

The pain was foreign to me, and it caused me to collapse to the ground, shaky fingertips reaching up to feel where he hit me. Luckily it had only hit my cheek bit it still hurt worse than any other thing he has done to me.

Tears rushed down my face, trailing over the bruise that was surely forming on my cheekbone. Dad only laughed before he laid into me, muscled arm rising and falling with each hit.

He hit my face, chest, stomach, groin, legs, feet, everything. My mind went blank eventually and I couldn't feel anything.

I just curled up into a ball, wishing, praying for the pain to end. I prayed that he would just kill me.

I barely registered another voice enter the room, my eyes seminal clogged with something, was it blood?

I didn't notice when Mike attacked my dad, raining punch after punch into his face and recieving a few hits himself. 

I didn't hear my mom rush in, cradling my broken body in her arms and I didn't even notice as my world faded away into an abyss of blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Comment your thoughts.  
> Next chapter will sort of kick of the whole kellic thing.  
> -Cas


	14. Goner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to TOP.  
> -Cas

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the pain. It was a dull ache that spread through my whole body making me internally groan.

The next thing I noticed was the smell. It smelled like cleaner, the scent biting at my nostrils.

The last thing I noticed was the sound of a heart monitor beeping steadily in the background.

Slowly, I forced my eyes open, wincing as the bright light assaulted my eyes.

Instantly, I was surrounded, nurses checking my vitals, police officers throwing questions at me.

My eyes widened, surprised at the sudden swarm of people around me and I was so damn thankful when Mike rushed in out of nowhere and pushed through the crowd, grabbing my hand and telling everyone else to 'fuck off'.

My heart was racing and the heart monitor followed suit, the beeping steadily increasing in rate, only calming down once most everyone left.

A police officer stayed, walking over next to my bed, followed by a lady who was wearing a business suit and holding a clipboard, a look of boredom on her face.

"Victor? I'm officer Lakes and I need to inform you of your sutuation. We know what has been happening to you and your brother Michael. We also found out that your mom has been dealing drugs and is actually a notorious drug dealer. She, along with your father were both arrested and you and Michael will be placed in a foster home until further notice." Officer Lakes said, and with each word, my eyes widened.

My mom was a fucking drug dealer? Foster home? What?

"Hi Victor. I've already spoken to Mike and he is aware of everything , but I need to make sure you are okay mentally to be placed in the foster system. Luckily you are seventeen, so you will not be in the home for long, but Michael is sixteen and will be placed in there for longer, though he can be signed over to you once you are of legal age." The lady, who I assumed was a social worker, told me, the pitying look remaining on her face, brown hair falling loose from her messy bun.

"U-um, well, i-it's a lot to take in?" I said, but it came out as a question. I glanced at Mike and he nodded at me, a sad smile forming on his lips.

"I-i'll alright though." I said which caused the lady to smile.

"Good, now after we fill out these discharge forms, you can meet your new foster family."

\--------------------------------------------------------------

We pulled up in front of a large blue house, the structure daunting. After we had filled out the forms, we left right away, Mike and I riding in the backseat of the social worker's, who I learned was named Karalyn, car.

Apparently, Mike had packed our bags already, so I didn't have to worry about it.

We got out of the car, Mike standing next to me, both of us marvelling at the house in front of us. Though most of my thoughts were about my mom and how I wouldn't see her for years, if then. I shook my head, trying to expel all the bad thoughts and followed Karalyn up to the front door of the house, which was a pristine white color.

A nice looking lady opened the door. She had curly black hair and sparkling green eyes that just oozed warmth and comfort, she was definitely a mom.

Behind her stood another women, who had straight blonde hair that was pulled into a ponytail and brown eyes.

But what surprised me was the person who sat in the kitchen. Mike, Karalyn and I walked in, followed by the two women and there sat kellin.

Kellin-fucking- Quinn.

My eyes widened in surprise and I was so shocked I barely heard what our foster mom's were telling Mike and i. Their names were Susan and Emma, and they were very excited to have us.

I smiled and nodded, still staring in kellin's direction. He stared back, mouth agape, only standing when his moms told him to show us to our rooms while they takes behind to talk to karalyn.

"It's up here. You guys have to share a room though." Kellin told us, leading us up the steps which were carpeted with the softest material I had ever felt beneath my feet.

Kellin led us to the last room in the hall, opening the door and walking in.

The room was huge, at least three of my old bedrooms. I stared in awe, running my fingertips over the soft comforter on the king sized bed.

"There's only one bed too, but there is a couch in the game room if you'd rather sleep there, one of you anyway." Kellin said, awkwardly standing in the doorway watching Mike and i.

"This is fine." Mike responded, smiling in my direction.

"Well, I'll leave you lone for a bit, dinner will be in 2 hours." Kellin said as he left, door shutting behind him.

Mike and I just stared at eachother, mouths agape.

"What the hell happened with mom?" I sked, reminding myself that I should be home in my old room, with my family.

"Well, the pills were her's." He whispered, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. I felt terrible because I had accused him of having the pills and the whole time it had been my mom, who I thought was innocent.

"H-how are you?" Mike asked hesitantly.

"Physically okay, the painkillers help, but mentally I'm so overwhelmed." I replied honestly, a headache already forming.

"I get it, it's wierd. But at least they seem nice." Mike tried to say positively, but it came out defeated. Mike needed me right now.

I gently wrapped him in a hug and he wrapped his arms around me gently, minding my bruises.

"How's my face look?" I asked after he pulled away.

"Pretty bad." He said honestly, pulling out his phone and taking a picture before showing it to me. I winced, I had a large bruise that ran from my cheekbone own to my bottom lip.

"Great." I muttered, frowning at my picture, feeling self concious that Kellin saw me in this state, what if he knew what happened to me?

"That kid seemed nice too. Didn't catch a name though." Mike tried to make conversation after we both sat on the soft bed.

"Kellin." I said, not intending for it to come out.

"What?" Mike asked, leaning in closer to me.

"We are lab partners in bio. His name's kellin." I repeated, and a look of realization crossed his face.

"I knew I recognized him. Wow, that's awkward now." Mike said, wincing in sympathy.

"You're telling me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on a new chaptered fic that I will have up some time this week.  
> This is sort of the turning point, so romance will start to build.   
> -Cas


	15. Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to All Time Low. I've been trying to think of where I want this story to go and I'm still not sure so here it is!  
> -Cas

Dinner was awkward.

Mike and I sat beside eachother, Kellin's mom's on the other side of the table and Kellin had pulled a chair up to the edge of the table right by me. Our elbows kept brushing and an awkward silence had filled the house.

"Well boys," Emma started, placing her fork down, " we have a few rules to discuss." Emma then looked at Susan who continued for her.

"First of all, you can't just leave, we always have to know where you are. Lights off at eleven, do your homework, that sort of thing. No drugs, no parties. Understood?" Susan asked, raising an eyebrow at Mike and i.

We both nodded our heads respectively, and my eyes focused on the table, my stomach turning as the small amount of food I ate dawned on me.

I excused myself, running to the bathroom, which I find after a bit of stumbling about. I collapsed to my knees in front of the toilet, ramming two fingers down my throat felling gross as my dinner came up, burning my throat.

After everything was up, I shakily stood, flushing the toilet before brushing my teeth, hoping the smell would go away soon.

Feeling guilty, I rummaged around the cabinets under the large sink and sighed in relief when I found a can of air freshner. I sprayed a but, just enough to mask the smell, before returning to the kitchen, relieved to in that dinner was over.

Mike and Kellin were washing dishes, Mike washing while Kellin dried and Emma and Susan were watching them, talking about something.

"Vic! Can you put the dishes away sweetie?" Emma sked, pushing her brown hair away from her face, she seemed nice enough so I complied, taking the dishes from kellin as he dried and putting them where he told me.

When we finished, Mike and I were excused up to our room, and we were both glad to gave a moment to gather our thoughts.

What shocked me was when I shut the door behind me, Mike ran to me, collecting me in a tight hug, forehead pressing against my neck.

On shock, I wrapped my arms around him, heart breaking when he started sobbing. I helped him over to the bed, letting him lean on my side. I gently brushed away his tears, frowning when he pulled away.

"What's wrong Mikey?" I asked, rubbing circles on his back.

"I want to go home vic." He whimpered, and the sound broke my heart.

"We can't Mike." I responded, hating that I couldn't help him.

He sobbed harder at that, shaking his head and muttering bitterly.

I held him until he fell asleep, gently tucking him in, wiping away his tear tracks. 

When my mind started to wander, thinking about the blade I had in my suitcase, I reminded myself that Mike needed me.

My eyes started drooping downwards and I laid down next to Mike, feeling scared and worried, but for the first time in my life I didn't cut to relieve the pain, rather I focused my thoughts on Mike and I fell asleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!   
> I'll post tommorrow.   
> -Cas


	16. Sippy Cup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Melanie Martinez. I'm now on holiday break until the third and I hope to get this story finished and another started by then. I plan on starting my perrentes story tommorrow, I might post a teaser first chapter tonight.  
> -Cas

The next few days went by slowly, full of awkward encounters with Kellin and a lot of thinking.

Everything just happened so quick, it was hard to wrap my head around. I just can't believe my mom had been wrapped up in drugs. And I couldn't believe that Kellin was my foster brother.

We hadn't talked at all, not even in biology, he wasn't necessarily being rude, things were just awkward. Especially since one morning I had seen him walking down the hallway in a towel, a very small towel, and I wasn't exactly upset about it.

I had known for a while that I was gay, but having a slight crush on Kellin was not okay, especially now that we lived under the same room.

Finally, the weekend rolled back around and I had a little alone time since Susan and Emma had let Mike go to the park with Tony.

I sat in my large bed, song book on my lap, biting the top of my pen as I thought, trying to indicate some sort of inspiration.

I thought about my dad, my mom, Mike, Kellin, everything and the more I thought and tried to write, the more upset I became and after a few minutes my thighs were itching, desperately needing release.

Nit thinking, I grabbed my blade form the hidden pocket in my suitcase. I sat back own on the bed after lowering my jeans a bit, enough to expose the tops of my thighs that were covered in scars.

I didn't even flinch as I made multiple cuts into my flesh, eyes blurring with tears once I set my blade down, thinking about how Mike would surely hate me if he found out.

I was so caught up in panic, that I didn't hear the door open, but I did hear someone gasp my name.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> Thank you guys so much for reading this!  
> -Cas


	17. I Don't Care if You're Contagious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This starts all the romance so enjoy!  
> -Cas

My blade fell put of my hand when a pale hand grasped my wrist and my throat clenched as my eyes locked with sharp blue ones.

Kellin.

"What the hell!" He ahouted, throwing the blade across the room, making me flinch and curl into myself.

"Why Vic?" Kellin asked, pleading for an answer, pressing a t shirt he found against my cuts, ignoring the small hiss that escaped my mouth.

I could only stare, watch s his shaky hands bandaged my thighs with some gauze he found in the bathroom.

I was numb as he pulled my jeans off, leaving me in just my boxers. I didn't feel anything as I watched him wrap my last blade in toilet paper before flushing it down the toilet.

He walked over to me, sad blue eyes staring into mine, a frown on his face.

"Why Vic?" He repeated after he grasped my small hand in his, shaking his head as of to tell himself this as real.

My head throbbed, trying to keep up with what was happening.

"You're so fucking beautiful Vic." Kellin whispered, and I don't think he meant for me to hear, but I did and when he noticed I was looking at him, he leaned down and placed his lips gently against mine.

He quickly pulled back, leaving a few tears of his own on my cheeks, muttering over and over that I was beautiful.

My heart was pounding. Kellin, my new foster brother, had just kissed me-me, the loser. Kellin Quinn kissed me.

I stared at him mouth agape before I collapsed into his arms, sobbing.

I cried for what felt like hours.

Kellin held me even when Mike barged in and sat down beside me, wrapping his frail arms around me too. He held me even as Susan and Emma walked in, looking at me with sad eyes. And he held me until I fell asleep, I was the closest thing to okay I had been in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Be sure to check out my other stories.  
> -Cas


	18. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to Papa Roach. I didn't really like this chapter and I might change it later, I'm not sure. I'm going through a bit of a writer's block right now, but I am working on another perrentes chaptered fic other than Count, but I'm actually writing this one out by hand before posting it so I should have the first chapter up by the new year, maybe a little later.  
> My phone plan had run out which is why I haven't posted in a bit.  
> -Cas

The next morning was odd to say the least. Mike wouldn't speak to me, Kellin kept smiling at me and Susan and Emma kept trying to make me talk.

I sat at the dining room table, playing with my cereal, trying to look like I was eating, even though no one was actually buying it when Emma started talking.

"Sweetie, we think you need some help." As soon as she said the word 'help', dread filled me like lead. "We have scheduled an appointment with a therapist for you as well as a family therapist." Emma smiled at me, encouraging me to speak, maybe thank them for actually caring, but all I could do was sit there, in full on panic mode.

My breaths came out ragged, my throat feeling tighter by the second. I heard a bit of arguing before Mike gathered me in his arms, holding me close and making me match my breaths with his. He hugged me tight for a few seconds before letting go once I seemed okay again.

Everyone was staring at me, even Kellin.

"Umm, well..." I started, blushing at my own incompetence before my stomach turned and I rushed to the bathroom, bending over the toilet and throwing up water since I hadn't ate in what seemed like days.

Mike had followed me in and rubbed my back as I finished throwing up, whispering calming words in my ear as I stood slowly.

"Maybe it'll help?" Even Mike seemed to doubt it a bit but I knew he had my best interest at heart so i nodded, if he wanted me to go I would, I'd do anything for him.

I scrubbed at my face with a washcloth after Mike left and I let out a gasp when I felt arms wrap around me, thin lanky arms that I knew belonged to Kellin.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly after he hugged me, arms falling back to his sides.

"Yeah." I replied, refusing to look him in the eyes, I knew they would be full of pity.

"You know my moms only want to help you right?" He asked, and I did look at him then, pivoting my body so I could look into his blue eyes that were full of compassion.

"Yeah, it's just hard. Admitting you need help." My voice shook as I said 'help', something about that word made me feel nervous.

"I know, but you can do it." And with that, Kellin left like he'd never even been there in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	19. The Balcony Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to PTV (listen to it if you've never heard it).   
> -Cas

Mike ent with me to my first therapy session, sitting next to me as I talked to my therapist, Lisa. 

"So Vic, you've been harming yourself?" She asked, voice overly sweet and she treated m like I was a child which annoyed me.

I nodded yes, not able to look at Mike as I did so, knowing he would be disappointed in ms.

"Why?" Lisa asked and I racked my brain for an answer that seemed valid enough.

"Well, it all started because I was bullied in school and my dad, he um, he used to hit Mike and I." I said, voice shaky, I hated feeling vulnerable.

Mike stiffened beside me, resting his hand on my thigh after I finished letting me know it was okay to talk.

"Your father was arrested correct? And your mother?" Lisa asked, blue eyes trained on mine.

Again, I nodded, wincing as she mentioned my mom.

"And how do you feel about that?" She asked, jotting down notes on a small pad of paper.

"I'm happy that my dad is gone because now he can't hurt us but I miss my mom, a lot." A few tears dripped from my eyes and I harshly wiped them away, leaning into Mike's side and he gently wrapped an arm around my waist.

"I understand that. But do you think harming yourself helps that at all? Does it relieve any of that pain?" Lisa asked, evaluating my every word.

I let Mike go and leaned forward in my seat, wiping my eye before speaking, "no, it doesn't. But I want it to. I can't do this anymore." Tears kept rolling down my face and I was embarrassed when Lisa handed my a box of tissues.

"We can help you, okay. I know Mike loves you and he will help you when I can't. I want to bring our psychiatrist inndnd see hat medicine we can get you just to stabilize your moods." Lisaspoke in her caring voice that drove me crazy but made me feel calm at the same time.

I nodded, leaning into Mike, feeling miserable and so bitterly alone.

****(.......)****

Later that day, I stood in the kitchen of my new home, glass of water in one hand and a capsule of prozac in the other. I sighed before swallowing the pill with a sip of water.

I felt crazy, what 17 year old needs to be on an anti-psychotic?

"Hey? How was therapy?" Kellin asked, joining me in the kitchen.

"Okay." I responded, not looking at him.

"Good. Um, I don't know if this is too forward or anything but do you maybe want to go on a date?" Kellin asked and I felt my heart thud, my breath stuttering.

"What?" I asked, still shocked.

"I know it's wierd because we live in the am house now, bit we're not related and I know moms aren't looking to adopt you, just foster you until you age out in a few months, so it's legal and all." Kellin rambled, staring at me sincerely.

"Uh, yeah, I guess we can try it? I've never dated anyone before." I whispered, everything was just moving so fast. 

Kellin smiled before slowly walking towards me and capturing my lips in a gentle kiss, making my heart flutter.

"Thank you. And if you ever, and I mean ever, need to talk to me, my room is right across from your's." Kellin whispered against my lips, pecking me sweetly again.

My heart started beating faster, but in a good way, and in that moment, staring into Kellin's eyes, I decided that I would try, for him, for Mike and for myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'll be posting the teaser for my new perrentes tonight or tomorrow so watch for that.  
> -Cas


	20. The Divine Zero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to PTV (what's new?). Is anyone planning on going to warped next year? What artists do you want to see? I really want PTV to go, but I have. feeling they're not, Of Mice & Men would be amazing and I have been getting into Emarosa, so it'd be cool to see them, I have so many more but I'll keep it to three.  
> I have no life so I plan on starting a new fuenciado soon and I will be posting my new perrentes tonight so watch for those.  
> -Cas

Mike was acting tense around me and I wasn't sure why. Ever since he had went to therapy with me, he started ignoring me, which really hurt since I considered him my best friend.

Even at school, he didn't look at me, he didn't even it with me anymore, choosing to t with Tony and Jaime, and I had no clue what I had done but I was about to find out.

That evening, we were in our room, and Mike had immediately jammed ear buds into his ears, not even responding when Susan and Emma called us down for dinner.

After dinner, I returned to our room and was shocked to see Mike laying on our bed, a joint in between his skinny fingers, smoke puffing from his mouth.

"What the hell?" I asked, storming over to Mike and grabbing the joint. He looked at me, and I could tell he as high, his pupils huge.

"You're such a hypocrite Vic. You fucking cut yourself, you Starve yourself for God's sake and I can't do this, I can't smoke a bit of weed. We had a promise Vuc nd you fucking broke it." Mike cried, and I felt stunned when he shoved my chets, making me stumble back a few steps.

"Mike? I-i'm getting help. You know it's not easy." I begged, tears forming on my water line, feeling like the worst brother ever.

"What makes this any different huh?" Mike mocked but I knew his anger was coming from his deep set worry and sadness like it normally did.

"You can get help too." My voice shook, pathetic.

Mike just snorted before snatching the joint back from my fingers and taking a puff, blowing the smoke back into my face.

"You're not mom, you can't tell me what to do." He growled, throwing the joint down after stubbing it out, a pained look on his face.

"I know you miss mom, but she's getting help now, Mike. We all need help sometimes okay, it's normal." I pleaded with him, distraught to see how sad my baby brother was. How didn't I see it?

Mike shook his head bitterly before storming away, and I knew he was probably running away to Tony, but maybe that's what he needed, someone who loved him, who Hughes him and cared for him, someone better than me.

"Hey, you okay?" Kellin asked, walking into my room, a frown on his face.

"No." I croaked, wiping away a few tears.

He didn't say anything, settling for wrapping his thin arms around me, soothing me while I cried into his shirt.

"I'm so fucking pathetic. I can't even help my own brother." I cried bitterly, wanting nothing more than to tear my skin apart at that moment.

"No, you're not, okay. You're just both going through some shit right now, okay?" Kellin whispered against my ear before placing a small kiss on my cheek making me blush. He wiped the tears tracks off my cheeks.

"You need to focus on getting better okay? For Mike?" Kellin told me, looking into my eyes.

I stared wide eyed, awed at how sweet he was, even though we hadn't known eachother for long, I felt safe in his arms.

"You'll be okay. And so will Mike." Kellin continued, rubbing my arm comfortingly.

I nodded before leaning into Kellin's side, still feeling sad, it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

"What do you say we leave for a bit?" Kellin asked, and I was grateful to get out of the house that was suffocating me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Feel free to comment prompts, I don't go back to school until Tuesday, so I would love to have something to do.  
> -Cas


	21. Props & Mayhem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I don't even know where this story is going anymore, I had this so planned out and I just went off into a totally different direction, oops. I'm posting my fuenciado teaser tomorrow, probably evening-ish.   
> Chapter title belongs to PTV (this is my song, like if my life were a song it would be this).  
> -Cas

We walked to a small secluded park, the fresh air filling my lungs for the first time in a while.

Kellin held my hand even as we sat in adjacent swings, smiles on both of our faces.

"I know our relationship started wierd, but I am happy about it, just wanted you to know." Kellin told me, gripping my hand a bit tighter.

"Me too." I replied, forgetting about therapy, the medicine and the fight with Mike and just reflecting on now.

We swung for a few minutes, enjoying eachother's company, not really noticing any time going by.

I thought about how Kellin made me smile, he made everything okay and I wondered if I did the same for him .

"You know, Vic? I believe in you so fucking much and I know it's not much to say but don't hurt yourself okay. When you cut yourself, you cut me too, emotionally." Kellin almost whispered, looking serious all of a sudden instead of carefree like he was a few minutes ago.

"It's hard to just stop Kellin, I'm trying, I am." I whispered back, staring at the orange sun on the horizon, feeling tense ll of a sudden.

"I know Vic." And then he did something unexpected. He rolled up the sleeve of his flannel, revealing small scars lining his forearm, wrist to elbow, the most prominent going vertically from his wrist down.

"Oh my god, Kellin." I stood and moved in front of kellin, gently holding his arm, feeling tears fill my eyes.

"I've been there Vic. It gets better. You've got to believe me, it does. These, don't matter because I'm okay now, alright? One day all you will have are faint memories of when things were tough, okay?" Kellin said, pulling his sleeve back down and capturing my lips in a small kiss, wiping my tears away gently, whispering promises of a better tomorrow against my lips.

"We'll be okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I have no clue how long this is gonna be, my chapters are too short too.  
> -Cas


	22. All Fucked Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title belongs to The Amity Affliction. I plan on making a spotify playlist for this and my other stories as well. The new fuenciado will be posted after this update! I'm just in a wierd mood rn, kind of numb, so sorry if my post isn't great, I'll share more in my last note.  
> This is short and crappy but I'll update better tomorrow.  
> And omg Austin left Om&m and it's so freaking sad because it wasn't on his terms, I hope he can get better and not be in so much pain now, it's for the better but it is still truly upsetting (I may or may not have cried a but this morning when I read his letter)  
> Today has just been so wierd and disjointed for me But here's a bit of brotherly love (fluff)  
> -Cas

Mike and I made up when I got home, we both apologized and everything was fine, or so I thought.

It was around 2 in the morning when I heard a wierd noise, a sort of shuffling.

I slowly got out of bed, sighing when I saw Mike's sillhoite in the window, one leg in our room and one leg out, balanced cautiously on the edge.

"Mike?" I asked groggily, wiping sleep from my eyes, sitting up and feeling a chill run up my spine.

"What the hell!" Mike almost shouted, falling into the room, landing on his side.

"where we're you going?" I questioned him, standing nd helping him to his feet taking notice of how he cowered away from me.

"Tony's." Mike mumbled dejectedly. I sighed before guiding him back to the bed, sitting down next to him.

"Look Mike, I get that you miss home even though it sucked. I get you like Tony and want to see him. I get I haven't been the best brother. I get it and I wish you could talk to me more." I confessed, not really mad at Mike, more mad at myself that I had let us drift apart ever since we moved here.

"Love you bro." Mike said, looking at me and in that moment I saw all the fear and need for love in Mike's eyes. I saw the little boy who used to hold my hand as we walked to school, I saw the Mike who would hold me after a beating, I saw the Mike who loved me and I vowed to never lose him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and happy new year!  
> So basically I went through a thing a few months back where I thought I was transgender but I soon realized I'm just gay and was deflecting that (long story) and I came out to my mom as trans (bc I'm terrible with secrets) and she told my uncle today while I was there that I'm "trans" even though it was a deflection of my gayness.  
> So yeah, that's wierd, but if you need to alk out anything lgbt+ I'm here.  
> I'm watching the new Peculiar Children movie and it is great. I started reading this series in 7th grade and I never thought it would reach the big screen. I remeber waiting each year for the new one to come out, time goes by so quick.   
> See you next year.  
> -Cas


	23. We Want Love!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV (million dollar houses). I'm going to focus on this story more now so I'm slowing updates for my other chaptered stories but I'll post an update for this every day and I hope to get it completed soon.  
> -Cas

Therapy became easier the more I went and eventually I started to look forward to going. I had so many pent up feelings and telking someone them felt so amazing.

What I didn't like we're the family therpay sessions. The hole time I was talking, Susan and Emma stared at me, vacant looks on their faces and kellin normally didn't go in, maybe he thought I was a freak.

The next day after one of our sessions, we were lying in My bed (and mike's), just cuddling. My head was laying on his chest and he was running his fingers through my hair making me smile.

I leaned up to kiss him, and it eventually became heated, tounges swiping against eachother's and hands groping eachother.

His hand reached towards the hem of my shirt and I let him pull it off but I regretted it when he gaspes, looking at ll the scars and healing cuts that covered my torso. The lustful feeling left the room as Kellin stared at my body, running gentle hands over my stomach, rears forming in his eyes.

Tears filled mine too, no ay he would want me after this. What he did next surprised me. He pushed me back onto the bed, slyly slipping my jeans off and I laid there in just my boxers, feeling vulnerable.

He started at my legs, lips playing soft kisses against every faded bruise, cut and abrasion that littered my skin.

I lost it then, tears sliding down my cheeks rapidly and all I could think was Kellin. And how fucking perfect he was.

He kissed all over my body, but it wasn't sexual at all, just loving.

"You're beautiful Vic." He whispered once his lips met mine and I smiled a bit before whispering the American to him.

We kissed slowly for a bit before I removed his shirt feeling sad at the scars that marked his own skin and I instantly made him lay down, giving him the same treatment, whispering sweet ords gains his pale skin like he had mine.

We started kissing again and he flipped us over, his nose bumping gently into mine as he removed his jeans and we were both in our boxers.

He smiled at me and for the next hour he showed me how it felt to be beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> *awkwardly avoids writing smut* I don't really want to fill this story with smut beacsue that's not at all what this story is about, I want to focus on recovery and their relationship as well as Vic and Mike's relationship (which will be the focus of the next chapter).  
> -Cas


	24. Better Off Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to SWS. I made a playlist for this on spotify (mstewart5956) called ABWASK so check that out if you want.  
> -Cas

The next morning was awkward. I woke up when someone shook me, hard. My eyes flew open, startled to see Mike's face inches from mine.

"What the hell did you guys do?" Mike asked, and I couldn't make out his emotion, which scared me.

I looked around and noticed Kellin next to me, naked torso visible and smile on his face, but he was still aslesp. I then realized I was very naked right now and the blanket only covered up to my belly button so Mike could see what a mess my body was.

"Um," I mumbled, feeling panic set it, Mike was gonna be so mad.

"Hey, it's okay, I was teasing. I have a boyfriend too y'know?" Mike reminded me, gently placing a hand on my arm. I sighed before flashing him a small relieved smile, a very fake smile.

What if kellin regretted it? What if he didn't want me anymore?" 

"I'm gonna leave you alone for a bit." Mike whispered before leaving again, probably to get breakfast, he must have stayed over at Tony's last night.

"Vic?" A sleepy Kellin called, wrapping his arms around me and snuggling closer, pressing a small kiss to my shoulder.

"Love you." My eyes widened as Kellin whispered those two words, Words I myself had been holding back, but no more.

"I love you too Kellin." I whispered, smiling at him as he slowly opened his blue eyes, leaning towards me and attacking my face with kisses. We both giggled as our noses touched, Kellin's tounge poking out a bit.

"You're gorgeous." He whispered, and I felt so relived because I was scared he would change his mind about me after seeing my body.

"You're perfect." I whispered back, kissing him again before standing to get our boxers off the floor. I the Kellin his, stepping into my own, blushing when Kellin made a comment about my ass.

We both got dressed and I was thankful it was Saturday because I did not want to go to school today.

We walked down to the dining room together, holding hands up to the doorway.

"Hey boys, how are you?" Susan asked, smiling at us.

"Good." We both responded at the same time, giggling a bit after that, earning a wierd look from Susan.

"Where's mom?" Kellin asked, and I assumed he meant Emma, because, well.

"She went shopping." Susan answered before ushering us to the dining table, serving us each a stack of pancakes and I grimaced when she placed butter on them. All of the fat would just go to my stomach, and Lord knows I didn't need that.

"Vic, Eat something, for me." Kellin whispered after I had pushed my food around for ten minutes. I winced before taking a small bite, the flour texture turning my stomach.

Kellin smiled at me before lacing our hands together under th table.

Once we finished eating, Kellin finishing his plate and me a pancake, we decided to go for a walk.

We walked down the sidewalk, headed towards a patch of woods about a mile away. Once we got there, we both climbed into a large tree, legs dangling beneath us, hands still laced together.

We sat in silence, just observing the nature, but all of a sudden Kellin's hand was snatched from mine as he plummeted to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Back to school yikes.   
> This just kind of happened I was writing and then -bam- he falls out of a tree. Eh.   
> -Cas


	25. Sympathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to Too Close To Touch. I got tickets to see Waterparks and Too Close to Touch on March 3 and I'm so excited. Tickets were only $12, idk if it was just that show or what but check out the tour online.   
> -Cas

A few hours later and I found myself in a stiff white hostpital chair, hands clasping Kellin's.

After Kellin had fallen, I had quickly climbed down, panicking when I saw his head was bleeding. I had used shaky hands to dial 911, fear clouding any rational thoughts as I wrapped my arms tight around Kellin, relieved to fund that he had a pulse.

I was even more relieved when the ambulance arrived, the medics taking kellin nd I to the hostpital, fear coiling in my stomach the whole time.

"Vic?" A familiar voice called, bringing me back from my flashback. Mike walked into the room, smiling at me before sitting down next to me.

"How are you?" He asked in a gentle tone, stroking my arm a few times comfortingly.

"Okay. Just worried." I confessed. I was terrified because Kellin had yet to wake up and the dictor's had talked about the possibility of a brain injury, and possible amnesia of he did wake up. What if he forgot about me?

Mike smiled sympathetically, only looking away when two more familiar people entered the room, Tony and Jaime.

"Um, Mike?" Tony called in a small voice, Jaime looking energetic as normal.

"What's up babe?" Mike asked and I laughed internally at the pet name because Mike looked too tough to call someone 'babe'.

"We came to get you for practice." Jaime mumbled, shifting back and forth a bit, glaring in my direction.

"Oh okay." Mike responded before mouthing 'sorry' at me before leaving and just like that Kellin and I were alone since Susan and Emma had to work, so we had a few hours to ourselves, not that Kellin realized.

I felt more and more nervous as he continued to sleep, gentle snores tumbling from his mouth. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand as the tears started to fall and I just felt so hopeless.

What if he doesn't wake up? I'd just die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Be sure to check our Waterparks and Too Close to Touch.  
> -Cas


	26. World So Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm bored at lunch so I wrote this in like q0 minutes so it probably sucks but yeah.  
> -Cas

The next few days were hell. I refused to go to school, wallowing in my misery. Not even Mike could cheer me up with his stupid jokes and gentle nature.

I was just so done. Just when I thought life was going okay, it all went fucking wrong again, it was no fair.

My hand clutched a small silver object that I hadn't used for some time now and I was curious to feel the pain again, to be reminded of how it felt.

My hoodie sleeves were scrunched up to my elbows, exposing hundreds of old cuts and scars.

My hand lowered to my arm and I made a few quick cuts, the pain so relieving and calming. But then I felt guilty. Kellin was lying in a coma and what did I do? Break my promise.

Tears filled my eyes and before I could think I pulled out my phone and dialed Mike who was out with Tony and Jaime.

"What?" He demanded, sounding very impatient. I shrunk into myself a bit at his hostility but hopefully he would understand that I needed him.

"I want to die." I cried brokenly and instantly he turned into brother mode, assuring me over the phone that he was on his way and for me to 'hold on'.

I lowered the phone from my ear after our call was over, sniffing a bit as I thought about how fucked the past few days had been.

If only we had never gone on that stupid walk and climbed that stupid tree, Kellin would be here, holding me and kissing me sweetly. 

I felt so guilty, if Kellin died, I would surely die too.

Mike arrived a few minutes later, worried look on his face and he quickly gathered me in a hug, my tears dripping onto his shirt but he didn't seem to notice.

"Vic, it's okay." Mike whispered, rocking me back and forth as I cried and I felt pathetic because I'm the older brother not him, he shouldn't have to care for me.

I felt selfish as I hugged him, what kind of older brother was I to ways throw my issues onto Mike?

Mike continued to hold me even after I told him I was fine, he just hugged me tighter and I sighed in relief because maybe he didn't hate me like I hated me even though I was a terrible brother.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered as tears filled my eyes again, dripping down my nose slowly.

"Don't be. I love you and I know you can pull through Vic. I love you so much and I don't know what I'd do without you." Mike confessed, voice hollow and I could hear his heart break.

"I won't leave you. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas ♡


	27. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to Three Days Grace.  
> I'm trying to make longer chapters idk if it's working (oops).  
> -Cas

Thinks we're wierd without Kellin around. I only ever talked to Mike, and I found myself falling back into a rut. 

Kellin had been in a coma for 4 days and each day was a nightmare. I was lonely, heartbroken and most of all guilty. Kellin took me on a walk so I could get out, if I had been normal he never would have fell from the tree. If he died it as my fault.

I sat on my bed, ear buds jammed in my ears, Thrice playing, but it wasn't helping.

I felt so fucking guilty, it made me sick to my stomach. I hadn't been able to eat properly in a few days, only eating whenever Mike dragged me downstairs.

It seemed Susan and Emma had forgotten about me too. They always babied Mike, buying him gifts and treating him well but they never bought me anything, all I had were a few outfits and that was all.

It wasn't Mike's fault, but I still felt jealous of him. I held my head as thoughts throbbed in my mind making me feel so damn hopeless. 

I felt trapped. Without Kellin, what was the point. Mike would move on, he would be happier without me. All I did was drag him down, but he made me promise I wouldn't leave and I couldn't bring myself to break that promise, no matter how dejected I felt.

No tears fell down my cheeks, my eyes were dry and my wrists clean since I relapsed a few days ago. I didn't feel like doing much of anything, I had no energy. 

Mike walked into our room, smiling a bit, I guessed it had to do with Tony and I was right.

"Hey Vic!" Mike greeted before telling me way too many details about the "Great sex" He just had with Tony. At least I could escape my thoughts even if it was just listening to Mike ramble about how great Tony's ass was.

Mike didn't even seem to notice I wasn't okay. He had gotten used to my moods, and it hurt but then again I wanted him to be able to be carefree and not have to worry if his older brother was going to commit suicide or not.

Mike talked to me for a bit before sitting down next to me in the bed, typing on his phone and from the way he giggled I knew he was texting Tony.

I felt jealous then. He had Tony, and I had no one. My Kellin had been taken from me in an act of clumsiness. I was happy that Mike had an escape but I needed one too and I knew what to do.

I excused myself to the bathroom, grabbing the small blade I had bought from a hardware store, smiling a bit when I ran the tip of my finger over it.

Why stay clean when I had nothing to live for? 

*** *** ***

The next morning I woke up to the sound of shouting.

I sat up groggily, wiping sleep from my eyes and frowning over at Mike who was barely awake and was looking at me with a similar expression.

It was Susan and Emma. They had been fighting recently, Kellin's state putting pressure on everyone.

They argued for what felt like hours and I curled into a ball, reminded of my mom and dad arguing. How he would come to our rooms after to take his anger out on us. How he would shout cruel things at Mike and myself and I felt vulnerable all over again.

Mike rubbed my back wuth a trembling hand and I turned over before wrapping him in a hug because he needed me and I hadn't been the best brother recently and I wanted to change that.

We held eachother until the house grew silent, separating when Emma stormed up to our rooms telling us to pack our bags because they couldn't 'deal with this right now'.

Mike and I stared at eachother, mouths agape before standing to grab our bags robotically. What would we do now?

Tears filled my eyes as I realized what this meant. I had to leave Kellin.

I wiped my tears away bitterly before looking at Mike who was shaking as he threw his clothes into his duffle bag.

We both shared a haunted expression before walking downstairs, feeling overwhelmed.

What if I never saw Kellin again? What if he forgot about me?

My heart broke when I saw our social worker at the door with a sad expression on our face.

"Come on boys." She said, beckoning us to the car where she explained that the stress was taking its toll on Susan and Emma and they couldn't deal with caring for two teenage boys.

The car ride was other wise silent until we reached another house, a bit bigger than Kellin's had been.

Kellin. I wouldn't be able to see him and the thought was enough to make my stomach turn and tears to fill my eyes.

I wouldn't be able to play with his black hair. Look into his blue eyes. Hold him, kiss him, love him anymore.

I had nothing to live for, not even Mike was enough anymore. We had became separated as of late. He had spent more and more time with Tony while I slowly deteriorated.

As I looked at the large house in front of me, I felt truly and utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	28. Tear in my Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to TØP. I'm at lunch so I'll edit this later.  
> -Cas

The family seemed nice enough, all bright smiles and picket fences, but nice.

Mike and I had separate rooms that were in the basement of their home. The rooms were small but adequate.

The worst part was we had to switch schools. That would get me away from the bullies but I couldn't see Kellin even at school.

I slowly unpacked my things, feeling worse than even when I pulled out one of Kellin's sweatshirts that I hadn't realized I had packed.

I brought the fabric to my nose, breathing in his scent only stopping when someone cleared their throat behind me.

It was a boy who looked my age and had brown hair that looked oddly soft.

"Hey. I'm Alex." He introduced himself, smiling kindly at me and I knew that we would be friends.

"Vic." I whispered back, subconsciously pulling the sleeves of my red hoodie down and placing Kellin's on my dresser.

Alex smiled at me before saying, "Dinner will be at five. If you get hungry before then just let me know. My parents are nice, you don't have to worry." 

I smiled at Alex, muttering a 'thanks' before returning to the task at hand. Alex left quietly and Mike took his place, walking up next to me and sitting on my bed ad I put clothes away.

"You like it?" Mike asked, looking at me kindly, but I could tell he was struggling with the change.

"I miss kellin." I whispered, causing him to wrap me in a hug.

"You haven't, y'know?" He asked, referring to my self harm and I shook my head no even though I had multiple times, I didn't want him to worry about me.

"You're lying Vic." Mike accused and I shrunk back a bit, frowning when Mike stood and glared at me.

"I need you Vic. I know this isn't your fault, but I fucking need you and you haven't been there. I'm hurting my too but I don't fucking cut myself. I need my big brother Vic. This isn't fair, I lost mom and now you too." Mike cried, tears falling down his face as he yelled.

I stared at him, guilt making my heart clench. I opened my mouth a bit but closed it again. There were no words. Mike looked up to me and I was slowly wasting away, he needed me.

"I'm sorry." I croaked, voice raw and full of pain. Mike shook his head before wrapping me in a hug. I cried into his shoulder and he even let out some tears onto mine for the first time in a while.

"I love you Vic. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. I'm sorry you lost Kellin but you have me okay, you will see him again if it's meant to be." Mike promised, rubbing my back before letting me go again, staring into my eyes with a passion I hadn't seen in a while.

"I love you and I'm sorry I'm so fucked up." I mumbled, wiping tears away.

"Can I see?" Mike asked and I tensed but allowed him to remove my sweatshirt so that I stood in just my t shirt. He looked at my arms with a sad expression before running his fingers gently over the bumps.

"This? You don't deserve. You hear me. You are so wonderful Vic and I wish you could see that." Mike told me and I wanted him to believe him but I still felt responsible for all the beatings Mike endured from dad, each harsh word I had spit at him and Kellin and the fact that Kellin was in a fucking coma.

Mike must have realized I didn't believe him because he wrapped me into a tight hug again before making me lay on the bed with him.

We talked about everything and nothing, just trying to distract ourselves from all the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I plan on writing another chapter tonight, I'm hoping for 3k words.  
> -Cas


	29. Phantom Power And Ludicrous Speed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV. Thank you all for 200 hits (that's crazy). So I'm doing a get to know me on all chaptered fics. I've done Count and LARSTY so check those out since they're all different.  
> -Cas

I woke up at 5 A.M. the next morning to get ready for school. I wore the same thing as normal, black skinny jeans and my red hoodie and red vans. I felt nervous about starting a new school, but hopefully it wouldn't suck as bad as my old one.

Alex and Mike were in the same grade and classes so at least I knew Mike would have someone, i on the otherhand had no one.

"Hurry up." I told Mike when I saw he didn't have his shirt on yet. He flipped me off before continuing to brush his hair before slipping his shirt on.

We had to ride a bus since the school was about ten miles away and Alex's parents worked and they didn't have any extra cars.

The bus was packed, teens filling every seat and they stared at me as I walked down the aisle to one of the only empty seats. I let out a small breath when I sat down. I placed my backpack on my lap before allowing Mike to squeeze in beside me.

"First class, huh?" Mike tried to joke but I was fighting tears and bile. I couldn't do this.

Mike glanced at me with a worried expression before patting my thigh with his hand and giving me a small smile.

My stomach churned harder when we pulled up to the biggest high school I've ever seen.

Alex guided Mike and I to our lockers since we had already gotten our schedules in the mail.

People crowded the halls, most wearing clothes that looked like it came from a fashion magazine and I quickly realized that Mike and I stood out, him more so than me due to the tattoos that lined his arms and the piercings on his face.

My locker was on the end of a row luckily and my hand shook as I entered my combination that I knew I would forget by the end of the day.

"Hey fag! You new here?" Someone shouted and I cringed because I knew they had to be talking to me. My stomach turned when I swung around to find a group of guys staring at me like I was their prey and I was.

"Um, I-i have to get to class." I muttered before trying to escape but one of them shot forwards and pinned me to the lockers.

My throat clenched and my body shook like a leaf as the person spoke menacingly in my ear, "You need to learn you place amigo." 

He then punched me in my stomach making me groan before they all walked away leaving me to pick my books up and scramble to class.

The bell rung just as I walked in, and the teacher glared at me before telking me to just choose a seat.

I sat in an empty section towards the feont, tears building behind my eyelids. Why am I so fucking pathetic?

By the time school was over, I was a nervous wreck, hands shaking and breath quick.

Mike tried to talk to me on the bus ride home but I ignored him, choosing to look out the window the whole ride, wishing I could just fall out and be one with the dirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> So the thing:  
> Fav class: Spanish 3, though it's over in a few weeks :(  
> Fav member of PTV: I have to split this up so looks wise it'd be either Vic or Tony and I am in live with Jaime's personality. Mike has nice tattoos.  
> Fav instrument: guitar  
> Fav TV show: I watch a lot of ghost shows  
> -Cas ♡♡


	30. Song For Isabelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV. I want to finish this story. I think it's going to have about 10 more chapters at this point and most likely a sequel unless I choose a different ending.  
> -Cas♡♡♡

My mood was low for a few weeks. I stayed in my room, ear buds plugged in, ignoring anyone who tried to talk to me.

No one at school had messed with me since that first day but I still flinched everytime someone came near me. I had lost about ten pounds due to a lack of eating and when I did eat it normally came right back up.

Mike was concerned, I could tell. He went out of his way to try to talk to me. He hugged me a lot, like a lot. Each morning he hugged me at least three times, he was worried he was loosing his big brother again.

I finally sucked it up and tried to forget about Kellin even though it hurt, he had probably forgot about me anyways.

"Hey Tony." I greeted as he walked by me on the way to Mike's room. He smiled at me before wrapping his arms around Mike and again I thought about Kellin and how he would hug me, his thin arms wrapping around me gently.

I and walked to the living room, sighing when I saw Alex was already there, and his boyfriend Jack.

They were kissing, Jack on Alex's lap, grinding their hips together. I cringed before walking to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of orange juice, the acidic beverage turning my stomach a bit but I tried to ignore it.

I felt so alone. Alex had Jack. Mike had Tony. And I had no one. God, I missed Kellin so much. 

I wiped my hand across my face before setting my now empty glass down and heading towards the front door, I had to know if Kellin was okay.

I took Alex's parent's keys and drove off, I didn't care if they killed me when I got back, I had to know.

The ride was a long one full of tears and heavy rock. I turned the radio all the way up, escaping with the music.

My mind whirled as I drove, heading for the hostpital, I didn't even notice the light in front of me turn red, nor did I notice the truck barreling towards me.

But I sure did feel it hen the truck collided with the passenger side of the car, sending it toppling over.

The last thing I remembered was the sound of breaking glass and frantic screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm going to be putting out as many chapters as possible tonight so I can try to finish this fic so I can focus on my others (Count will be next)  
> -Cas♡♡


	31. Gold Medal Ribbon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to PTV. (I love that song).   
> -Cas

When I woke up, I was met with the surprise of my life. Kellin's blue eyes were staring into mime and his hand was gripping onto mine, minding th iv that was hooked up to me.

I stared at kellin who smiled at me. How? I thought he was in a coma?

"Hi Viv. Un, Mike came and got me. Told me you were in an accident and moms let me come see you for a few hours." Kellin explained but I was still in shock. He was alive! He was actually living and breathing right in front of my eyes.

Tears rushed down my cheeks as I pulled him down for a hug, spotting Mike over Kellin's shoulder who smiled at me.

But then I remembered. I had taken their car, oh god, I was so dead. I thought back to how dad wouldn't hesitate to use his belt for the smallest infraction, what would happen now?

"It's good to see you." Kellin whispered, running his fingers through my hair.

"How? You were in a coma Kellin." I told him and he laughed a bit.

"I woke up about two days after you guys moved." Kellin responded before running his fingers over the cuts on my wrist that I realized were exposed.

Mike then came over and placed his hand on Kellin's shoulder, looking at me sadly.

"Why'd you do it?" Mike asked, his voice heavy.

"What? I wanted to see Kellin." I responded causing both of them to look at me with shock.

"It wasn't a suicide attempt?" Mike asked and I shook my head no rapidly. That had been the last thing on my mind, I had been fighting for a will to live, not a way to die.

"Oh thank god." Kellin whispered before capturing my lips in a kiss.

"Ed and Karen want to talk to you." Mike said, referring to our foster parents.

I nodded, throat thick with fear as they walked in, blank looks on their faces.

"You need to pay for the damage done to our car Vuc. What were you thinking? We gave you a home, food and all you could want yet you stoke our car? You are no longer allowed in our household." Ed growled before leaving followed by Karen who looked at me a little more kindly.

I shook in fear and kellin tried to get me to calm down but all I could think of was the look my father used to give me as he walked into my room, belt dangling from his hand. I thought about the way the leather would bite into my skin. I thought about all those times I had to listen to Mike cry out in pain as dad hit him.

Mike sat on the other side of, holding onto my hand which I noticed had a few stitches in it.

"Some glass got in your hand. You also broke 2 ribs but other than that you're fine luckily." Mike informed me after I gazed at my hand for a while.

I nodded before looking over at Kellin still shocked that he was alive and here, holding my hand.

"Where do we go now Mike?" I asked, voice cracking as I thought about the fact that I would have to leave Kellin again.

"With us." A voice spoke from the doorway and when I looked up, my eyes filled with tears as I saw Susan and Emma standing there, smiles on their faces.

"We're sorry we ever made you leave. We now know that Kellin means a lot to you Vic and we want you both to be happy so we decided to foster you both until you're eighteen so Kellin won't be your brother in the law." Susan told me and I smiled and so did Mike, maybe things would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> I should be studying for my hsa, but nah. I'm going to Hot topic tomorrow so that'll be fun since I have money from Christmas.  
> -Cas


	32. Scene Two- Roger Rabbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to SWS. Only a few more after this.  
> -Cas

People at school stayed away from me when I went back, no one even bothered to give me a second glance, which I was thankful for.

Kellin and I had become closer, especially after Susan and Emma allowed Mike and Kellin to switch rooms. We got to hold eachother each night which was more than I could ask for.

My arms still held the scars of my past but I was proud of myself when no new marks appeared after my accident, Mike and kellin were proud too.

Mike and I had become the brothers we used to be, trading jokes and hugs on a daily basis, gladly helping eachother when the other needed it.

"Baby?" Kellin asked, kissing my shoulder blade gently.

"Yeah?" I asked him. We were laying in our bed, naked bodies pressed against eachother, Kellin pressing kissing across my neck and back.

"You're beautiful." He whispered before biting on my ear lobe gently.

"Stop," I giggled, " I love you." I smiled a bit after saying that. I was so glad to be able to profess my love to him each and every day.

"Love you baby." He responded before turning me so I was on my back and he hovered over me, a smirk on his face.

He kissed his way down my body, stopping at my upper thighs.

He breathed slowly against my skin, nipping at my navel before he engulfed me in his mouth, his tongue working against me in marvelous ways that had me coming apart at the seams.

Eventually I pulled him up and kissed him slowly before returning the favor. Once we ere both sated, we laid there in bed just drawing circles on the other's body.

Kellin still had faint white scars on his arms that made me frown but at least they were all scars, they showed how strong he was md I could say the same though my scars were fairly more recent.

Kellin kissed my neck slowly, making me moan a but before he pressed a quick kiss to the tip of my nose making me giggle.

"I'm so glad you're happy." Kellin whispered against my skin making me smile brightly at him.

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! I'm trying to finish this tonight so I can edit tomorrow.  
> *douses self in holy water* that was too close to smut, did you notice the way I avoided detail? This will have a few more chapters to kind of wrap everything up but it's almost done *cries*.  
> -Cas ☆☆


	33. The Strays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to SWS. I can't believe this is almost over.  
> -Cas

The day I turned eighteen was a good one. Mike woke me up that morning by shouting happy birthday at the top of his lungs making me almost have a heart attack.

Kellin gave me lots of morning kisses (and other things) which made me over the moon happy.

Susan and Emma even gave me a gift and it was truly amazing.

"Alright, open your eyes." Emma said happily and when I did I wanted to cry.

There sat a brand new car, slick black paint and nice shiny rims that made my knees weak.

I wrapped my arms around Susan and Emma, tears falling down my face. Birthdays before had been full of harsh words and angry blows so compared to that, this birthday had been heaven.

We ate cake that afternoon, and I even had to blow out candles and everything. I didn't wish for anything because I already had everything I could ever want.

"Hey Vic?" Mike asked, pulling me aside.

"Yeah bro?" I asked, not used to seeing Mike seem so serious.

"You made it." Mike whispered before gathering me in a hug.

I made it. I actually made it. I thought about all those times I sat in my room just wanting it ll to end. I thought about the times I actually tries. Now, I couldn't imagine wanting to die. I had so much to live for, it just took some time for me to realize that.

The path was long and rough but I made it- I fucking made it.

That night, Kellin and I kissed under the stars as we laid on the roof, gazing off into the distance.

Kellin was truly perfect laying there. Blue eyes wide and full of life, black hair making a halo around his head as his body shook with laughter as I told him a funny story.

His small hand was wrapped around mine and as I laid there, I felt important, I felt worthy.

"Hey Kellin?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

Kellin looked over at me, raising an eyebrow to show he was listening.

"Thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live. Thank you for loving me." I told him truthfully, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Back to you gorgeous. You helped me more than you'll ever know." Kellin responded before wrapping an arm around my waist.

I sighed in content before fixing my gaze on the stars that dotted the sky.

They were truly magnificent. Each night, they shined and sparkled for all to see yet they never received any recognition, no one ever thanked them or gave them a reason to shine, they just did because they wanted to. I wanted to be a star, I wanted to push through life and succeed, for myself and for Mike and for Kellin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!  
> -Cas


	34. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter title belongs to FOB. Last chapter! I'm undecided on whether this will have a sequel, I think I will have one that focuses on Kellin's back story and all but if I do it won't be posted until my other current fics are done.  
> -Cas

Kellin and I moved into a small apartment after he graduated a year after me. One of the best days of my life was the day we walked into our empty apartment and set down our boxes, claiming the place as our's.

Mike and Tony moved in together a few blocks from us so they came over often and we hosted some amazing get togethers. Jaime came over often too after Mike made him talk to me and i realized that we needed to start fresh and I realized he was actually a really cool person.

Kellin and I were so happy together, going on many dates and having many passionate nights together. We both got a job working at a small music shop downtown that sold instruments and albums.

The day we got Mike and Tony's wedding invitation in the mail was a good one. I remember crying for a few minutes because my baby brother was marrying the guy of his dreams and he wanted me there. Not only there but he wanted me to walk him down the aisle.

The day of the wedding was hectic but amazing. I felt so proud of Mike as I guided him down the aisle in front of friends and family. Even Alex and Jack had shown up, wedding rings on their fingers and smiles on their faces.

Tony and Mike shared vows deep enough to make a rock cry before sharing the most passionate kiss I have ever seen.

Kelli and I returned home that night and had a celebration of our own, his kiss lingering on my lips (and other places). 

That got me thinking. Maybe Kellin and I should get married.

"Kells?" I called when I saw him sitting on our sofa.

"What baby?" He asked after kissing me as a greeting.

"What do you think about marriage?" I sked, feeling nervousness take over.

"Are you asking me to marry you? Because emyes, oh my god, yes!" Kellin yelled, wrapping his arms around me before we kissed with more fevor than we had in around while.

It wasn't the most romantic way to propose, but it worked and Kellin said yes so everything was okay.

We decided on a fall wedding and when we told Mike and Tony, they both were joyous, happy for us.

"I love you." I told Kellin as we looked in a wedding planner magazine.

"Love you more." Kellin responded, pecking my lips as he pointed out a beautiful center piece. 

As I looked in the magazine it all became real, I was going to marry the love of my life. To think that there had been a time when I felt hopeless, to the point where I wanted to die was insane.

The day of our wedding was the best day of my life, all our friends showed up to witness us being joined together.

When the time for our vows came, my stomach turned from nerves bit they all left after hearing Kellin's viws.

"Vic, you are one of the strongest people I know. You have never given up even when you could havs. You fought. You fought for yourself. For me. For us. I love you so much and I am so thankful to call you mine forever, you are my everything and I thank you for being so amazing all the time. I love you and am so glad that you are mine." Kellin told me, tears filling both our eyes as we looked at eachother. Now it was my turn.

"Kellin, I love you so much. I loved you as soon as I laid eyes on you in biology. I loved you even when we didn't know eachother. You gave me a reason to live. A reason to wake up in the morning. Without you I wouldn't even be here and I thank and love you for that and I am so happy that you are mine." I responded, hand shaking and Kellin looked at me with wet eyes.

"Now you may kiss the groom." The preacher said and we didn't need anymore prompting.

Our lips met in a frenzy and we had to pull away before things got too heated. The Kellin swooped me up into his arms before running with me to the hotel room we had rented above our venue.

Kellin laid me down in our bed and made me feel truly alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who read this. It means so much that you take time to read my or and enjoy it. I'm going to edit this tomorrow and it'll be completely done. Please comment your thoughts on the fic as a whole and thank you to anyone who has commented or given kudos, I love you all.  
> -Cas


End file.
